Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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