One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
