if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
