Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
