Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
