There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
