and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
