my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Randomize
