Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
