Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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