It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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