There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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