i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
