I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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