I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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