The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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