Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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