dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Damn victory sex feels great
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
