just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
