You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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