More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize