Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
