that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
