i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
