I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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