I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
