When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Say something about gay babies.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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