You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
