So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
