I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize