That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize