hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
