what if every blade of grass was a penis?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
