clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
accomplished twins. life is a go
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
