I hate your face
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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