Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
