I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
