Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
