Do you still have your period?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
