Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
