Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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