Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I party with great urgency now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
