just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
