shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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