Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
