the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
