I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up under a house in Key West
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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