Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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