He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
