It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
