He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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