TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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