if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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