Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
