thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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