Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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