Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
