So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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