do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
