You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
