First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
