You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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