I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize