Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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