If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
