hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
