apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
