his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
