Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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