Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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